I tend to be a stealthy sinner, a perfect screw up, the one you call “cliche” in everything wrong. Most of my life I fly under the radar and keep everything hidden. I avoid the mirror in the day and at night I detest my glaring shadow because it does nothing but show me the dark sides of my life. Anger robbed me of my reasoning, covetousness robbed me of my friends, pride robbed me of all glory and hatred made me an island. My life has never counted for anything and the last time I placed a tag on it, the highest bid I got was 1dollar. All I ever saw was mistakes, in abilities, failures, and set backs. Everything about me was kept private. I became a shadow of myself. I run from everything and for everything as long as I get to run alone.
Every voice echoed my flaws and every eyes saw through my weaknesses. I told nobody nothing and nobody told me anything. Everything was perfect as long as I was alone. My dreams always had limitations and my thoughts were evasive and when alcohol beckoned during periods of loneliness and depression, I never allow it to ring for long before I heeded its call. I stumbled and fell consistently.
The day I made this confessions, I knew the verbal and physical boundaries I crossed behind closed doors. I confessed to those I thought were friends and the enemy whispered “I told you nobody else had done those things. You’re beyond help Pal”. I believed this until God drew me back.
He said if I confessed my wrongs, He’ll forgive me time after time. If I allow him, he’ll change me and my story. He said if I let him, he’ll change my thought patterns and strengthen me to do what’s right. He said even if I failed, he won’t fail. He said it’s impossible for him to fail.
I didn’t know what I was doing but I allowed Him. It’s been three years and I haven’t regretted my decisions. I never regretted confessing and being honest to Him(God). He didn’t fail like he promised and I know he won’t. I haven’t beaten myself up about anything and I know I won’t. I’m no longer slave to sin, fear and lies of the enemy. I am a child of God. My scars show me where I have been but they will never dictate where I ought to be. Friends have come and gone especially when they learned about my mess but He’s never left. He looked at me and called me a Saint and I believe Him.
I’m a better man today. You too can! Luke 12:2.