Very often I hear people say things like – “I want to help but I just don’t know how to”, “How do I help when I would end up getting reprimanded?”, “My kindness is regarded as show-off so I just don’t see myself helping”, “There’s always a misconception attached to every act of kindness I show”, “Something keeps pulling me back every time I try to help”, “I get nervous each time some one asks me for help”,etc.
While Grace to give doesn’t give any one a license to act as though they are superior and better than others, the judgementalism that comes from insisting that others live by our standards has caused untold damage. It’s human nature to want to show compassion to those who are feeble and weak around us, but at the same time there’s always a paralyzing venom that comes out of us and makes it difficult for us to receive compassion of any kind from people. Most friendships and relationships have been fractured by a judgemental attitude and critical look.
Today, I will be recommending a few tips on how to help:
. Firstly you have to realize that miracles happen in ordinarily moments and that every time we step in and solve a problem for others, miracle happens!
. You must be prepared when your time comes. You can’t give what you don’t have, you can’t tell what you don’t know. You can’t share what you don’t feel and you can’t give out of a vacuum. The fact is, nothing great is created suddenly ; it takes time. To help anyone, you must be prepared.
. You need to know what you have and what you don’t have. Not everything you have is meant to be given away, some things are meant for your keeps and some others for those that needs your help. Until you learn to differentiate this, you’ll never know how or when to help.
. You must be comfortable in your own skin and confident in your calling. If you must help, just help, don’t take over. If you teach people on how to give, stick to your teaching and practice what you preach. Be careful not to get too bossy.
. You must avoid manipulation all in the name of giving. If you are called to give to any one in distress, be quick to respond and when you do, don’t allow yourself get irritated with them or distressed by them.
. Always keep a smile on your face when you help. Love from the center of who you are, love like God asked us to; Don’t fake it!
. You must learn to recognize the difference between what people want and what they truly need. Sometimes the help they truly need could be a smile, a hug, a walk, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on or even a companion for the moment. The help they need could be comfort and not correction.
. You can’t help anyone until they are ready. For better understanding of this we must know the difference between those that need solutions and those just looking for sympathy. The person you are helping should be able to understand and accept the help you are offering.
Very often in our lives we want to do things quickly and move on to the next thing. When things didn’t move at our speed, we breezed right past them. This often hinders our ability to connect with others and our relationship ends up suffering. This can be very frustrating and our faith and patience gets stretched in the process. Moving at the speed of another person can be exhausting, it takes energy and no one likes that, not even those that need your help!
To really help people we must love them, recognize what they need and not what we believe or assume they need, know what to offer, and connect with them at the point of their need. We must be willing to slow down and go at their own pace.