I often hear people say, “I’m just uptight. I’m not friendly. Can’t make friends because I don’t really know how to be one. And many other negative sorts and I don’t find it funny or get to address everyone of the complaints. Unfortunately, I heard one today from one of my students. I felt really sad hearing him say that. I’m thankful he is my student and hopefully, I will get the chance to change his negative mindset.
During his lunchtime, I decided to talk with him. I needed to know why he would say something like that. He kept staring me and couldn’t say a word and when he did say something, he muttered the words, ” I’m just not good enough! He said I’m not good enough! With tears running down his cheeks.
He’s just 14years old, with so much on his precious little mind. I’m still on time to help him become a better version of himself and I believe the parents too haven’t lost him, if only they would listen. As parents, it’s our job to nurture, cater, train, and provide for our children. But very often we fail to do our job much less do it well.
We fail to realize that much of the manner in which our children approach life, their attitudes, and their demeanor is learned behavior from us. These habits have formed by repetition throughout the years.
As parents, if you’ve spent years focusing on what’s wrong rather than what’s right, then these negative patterns are going to keep your children from enjoying their lives and of course vice -versa.
Children acquire many of their habits from their parents or from people who are around as they grow up. Studies tell us that negative parents raise negative children. This can be debated on but it won’t change the reality.
If your parents focused more on what was wrong, living stressed out, uptight, or discouraged, there’s a good possibility that you have developed some of those same negative mindset and you are passing it down to children, knowingly or unknowingly.
Now, you’ve got to understand that those are habits that you’ve developed over time. You weren’t born with them. But the good news is you can “reset and reprogram ” your own computer. You can get rid of any negative mentality you’ve acquired or given out erroneously and develop a habit of saying positive things that would bring you, your children and everyone around you happiness.
You can start by deciding that no matter what comes your way at the office, at home, with clients, no matter what my parents did to me, how they hurt me, broke me, I refuse to be negative. I refuse to take it out on my children. They are a reflection of what I am and I need the world to see them as champions not failures.
Talk to your children. If they can not trust you with the little things, they would never trust you with the big things. I often hear some parents say, “well I put him in the best school what more does he want?”, ” No one was there for me while growing up, he should be lucky to have me as his dad”, “no one cared if I was happy while growing up, he should learn to adapt!”
How sad! Don’t flatter yourself if you belong to these schools of thought. You are nothing but collateral damage to them and to your self. Negative words hurt our children. It prevents us from getting through to them. And once they get accustomed to your stern tone of voice or hands, the damages caused are not always easily reversible.
Learn to be more calm and respectful when dealing with your kids. They weren’t there when your parents hurt you neither were they the cause of anything, so quit making them pay for a crime they never committed in the first place.
For every wrong action we take as parents, we create an unhealthy environment for our kids and it’s only a matter of time before they get adapted and begin to exhibit negative traits and behavior to us and everyone around them.
Parents, please put in more thoughts to your words, body language, and actions. By so doing, you not only give clear guidance to your children but also peace and sound reasoning. Remove the guess works and give them a clear direction.
They need you and your love but if you’re not careful, you will lose them to abusive and aggressive strangers, who are ever ready to take advantage of weak and gullible children. It’s more expensive to regain lost or broken relationships with your kids than to be a parent.
Quit turning blind eyes to their needs and come to understand what a privilege it is for them to call you “mom or dad”. If you desire your kids to grow up strong, learn to believe in themselves, then support them and in turn watch their self-esteem grow.
“ if you believe in your child, its only natural that they will emulate you and believe in themselves “
Blessings an Love
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