Why is there a rapid decline of words of information when our children get older or do something wrong? Parents typically give many positive affirming words when the child is young. Even before the child understands verbal communications, parents are saying, ” What lovely eyes you’ve got”, “What curly hair you’ve got”, and so on.
When the child begins to crawl, we applaud every movement and give ” words of affirmation”. When he begins to walk and stands with one hand on the couch, we stand two feet away and say, “Come on, come on, you can do this”, Walk” That’s right, walk”, with a huge smile on our faces that calms every troubled water.
The child takes half a step and falls and what do we say? “Come on baby, try again”, ” I got you!”. We don’t say, “You dumb kid, can’t you walk?”, ” why do you keep tripping”, “you’re so lazy”. Rather, we say, ” Yes, good job!”. So the child gets up with confident and tries again with a high smile on his face.
So, what has changed? Why is it today, that as the child gets older, our words of affirmation turns into words of condemnation? Are they above mistakes? Have they become so irredeemable? Whoever said when they fail or trip they become a lost cause?
When the child is six we walk into his room and tell him to put the toys in the toy box. We come back in ten minutes and the toys are still on the floor, what do we say? “Why are you so clumsy? Or you’ve got a dump brain? No. We say, “I told you to get those toys into their box…please do that now.
But when he turns eighteen, we tend to condemn him for his failures rather than commend him for his successes. There are some children that all they need are your words of affirmation. Our negative, critical, demeaning words strike terror to their psyche.
As parents, let’s make steady and daily efforts to use more of words of affirmation on our children rather than words of condemnation. Hundreds of thirty-five-year-old adults still hear words of condemnation spoken twenty years ago running in their ears. Words like,” You’re too fat”, “You’re not good enough”, “Your grades are low, you may as well drop out of school” and so on.
Please do not add your children to the list. As adults, some of us still struggle with self-esteem and feel unloved all our lives. How then do we think our children will feel any different if we continue in this negative path?
Good morning all. Love you guys.
Blessings and Love
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